To set the record straight.

To clear a few things up from my last post that has apparently hit a nerve with a lot of people:

I will not apologise for what I said. But I will say I'm sorry that it hurt people because that wasn't the intent.

I was NOT saying that anyone who has babies out of wedlock or moves in with their boyfriend before marriage is a bad person.

That post was NOT written to start a fight or to make people mad. The intent of the blog was to get people's opinions on the topic since it's a rising topic in today's society. I think people need to be more responsible with bringing children into this world. The phrasing of the issue was a little off and I apologise for that.

Someone brought up that the only judgement that matters is the one done by God, and I agree. I was brought up going to church every Sunday and this is what I was taught: It is a sin to live with a man who is not your husband. It is a sin to have sex before you are married. It is a sin to have a child before you are married. Some people didn't grow up with the same beliefs as me, and I accept that. But I was taught growing up that in God's eyes and according to the Bible you should be married, then live together, and then have children. You are correct in your assessment that only God's judgement matters, but according to His word, you are sinning. But hey, we're all sinners. I ask for forgiveness every night when I prey before bed that he'll forgive me for sinning by living with my boyfriend. I am not ashamed of this or my beliefs. I don't care if you agree with me or not.

But I would like to remind everyone reading that I have the right to my opinion just like you all do.

It's pretty low to write hateful comments about a post and not bring it to the person who wrote it.

I will state one more time, if you don't like what I have to say, stop reading.

The old fashion way.

So for my second blog of the day here it goes:

Does anyone do life the "in correct order way" anymore?

I mean really, the way that life is suppose to go. Like, get married, move in together, then have kids. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I honestly can only count like a hand full of people that I know that actually didn't already have a kid or weren't pregnant when they got married!

On a side note: I WAS married when I got pregnant and had my son. Now I'm not married with a two year old and an amazing boyfriend.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not one to judge. But how many people these days actually have the same values that our parents or grandparents had?

And I'm not just talking about the baby making thing. How about living together before marriage? I mean Tim  and I live together, but it's because of Elliot. If I didn't have Ell, Tim and I would most likely not live together until we were married.

I just don't understand. What's the big hype? Is it just totally acceptable in society now to get pregnant, have your baby, then decide to get married to the guy just cause he's your baby daddy? I think not. But I do think that shows such as Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant have in some way told younger girls that it's not that big of a deal if that's what happens.

I really hope you aren't taking this the wrong way, because I'm not saying that I think you're a horrible person if this happens to you. I'm not looking down on you, or putting you down. And I'm also not making myself an exception to the rule. I know a lot of people who have been in this situation and they are perfectly happy being married with kids now.

I'm strictly wondering, does it mean anything to anyone anymore to do things in the order they were meant to be done?

Busy Busy Busy

Here it is, Christmas time....and yet again I've taken on too much all at once. I've been busting my butt making all of these ear warmers that I have orders for, as well as having 4 photo shoots in 1 week to edit, and something possessed me to make my Christmas cards this year instead of just printing them at Walmart like every other year.

I'm proud to say that I've successfully gotten my ear warmer orders down from over 20 to 8 paying customers (and three for family), I've edited all of my photos (except for the shoot I just did on Sunday that wasn't included in the 4 in one week) and have gotten half of my Christmas cards done and sent!

I have so much going on that I've barely had time to blog at all. It's almost kind of weird to be doing this. I have a lot to do but I decided that I needed a little time to just decompress. I really should be crocheting....but I'll do that in a bit.

I feel like we did pretty good this Christmas. I will officially win "Best Mom of the Year" award on Christmas day when Elliot opens his gifts (a Buzz Lightyear action figure that talks and lights up, and a Woody action figure that has a real pull string and talks back when you talk to him). I'm hoping I don't win "Worst Girlfriend of the Year" when Tim opens his gifts.....I'll let ya know how that one goes lol. I thought that they were pretty thoughtful gifts, but Tim is hard to shop for!

I was pretty proud of myself though, I was actually able to give myself a paycheck from the business! I checked the account and decided that I've worked hard enough and business has been good this month. It felt good knowing that Tim wasn't actually buying his own gifts this year haha. Business has been picking up recently, which is definitely good! I've already booked a wedding for next summer and I have two more shoots this month! The way I look at it is that I haven't done any advertising except for on Facebook and by word of mouth, so all in all I'm doing pretty good!

I heard from Dr. Phil that a toddler needs your undivided attention every 4 minutes and that being a stay at home mom is the equivalent of having 4 full time jobs. So if I'm a stay at home mom who does photography from home and has a crocheting business on the side I really have like....5 full time jobs and a part time job! Holy smokes!! I think for that I deserve a day off at the spa!

It's been weird, you'd think that with being so busy I'd be super tired at night. But lately I've been going to bed no earlier than 12 am, and sometimes I'm even up until 2. I don't think that's right. I have no idea why I'm not tired at night. And I've been having super weird dreams, like one had Charlie Sheen in it....I don't remember a lot of it, but I'm sure he was winning. And one night Tim told me that I was talking in my sleep and was apparently angry about something. But I was talking to my friend Kelci and I guess I said a few other peoples names too and that I "Want that one! NO!! The other one!!" I have no idea what I was dreaming about but I know it must have been intense for me to be talking loudly enough to wake up Tim.....

So we don't get to go to Missouri for Christmas this year, and that makes me sad. But at the same time with how busy we've been I'm glad it's one less thing to have to plan! I hope that maybe some time in March we'll head that way and try to conserve Tim's time off so that next year we can actually go there for Christmas. I feel bad for him, this will be his first Christmas totally away from home. I'm glad that we got his new laptop and skype because now his family can watch us open gifts :)

Well this blog has been super long and kind of scattered so I guess I'll be done for now. I'll keep everyone updated as the Holiday season progresses.

Peace and love with wishes of good health and happiness <3

Happy

So lately I've been stressed out quiet a bit. I think it's because there have been a few stressful situations in my life recently. Tim's parents and his grandma were coming to visit so I was just convinced that I HAD to paint my kitchen and hallway before they got here. I started 5 days before they were supposed to arrive....So having a definite deadline like that stressed me out.

Then they were here, and I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but it was stressful! I love Tim's family, but we have such a small house that it's hard for me to relax when there are more than like 3 people in it! I've decided that I need to learn to just take a deep breath when things are stressful and I can't fix it. There is nothing that I can do about it so I just need to learn to deal :)

I have been stressed about my weight (which is nothing new) but I am still working on loving myself.

Oh and  I have a two year old, if that's not stressful I don't know what is!

So with that being said, without all the stress I'm actually happy. I'm happy for the first time in a while. It may sound weird because there are so many stressful things in my life now. But I am honesty happy!

I'm happy and I don't know how to explain it.

I think part of it is because I've noticed a change in Tim. He seems less stressed, less crabby, more at peace. Him being less stressed makes me less stressed :)

I think another part of it is that I finally got out of all of that drama with those two silly girls. My friendships with my other friends are better because of it, and I'm a better person because of it! Drama makes me a crabby, uptight, angry, stressed person. And now I have no drama!!!

Kelci and I are closer now then ever and Falesha and my friendship grows every day!! I love those two girls like my sisters.

I'm also Happy because Elliot is starting to say more words! Like "lay down" and "love you" and "go home!" he's so smart and it just amazes me every day!

I've been working the coffee cabin for my mom a few afternoons a week and I really enjoy it! It gives me a break from my "terrible two" and gives her a break from the coffee shop!

I've also taken up crocheting, which Tim's 91 year old grandmother taught me during their visit :) It relaxes me and gives me something to do when I'm at the cabin!

So that's it, I'm happy!

Torn at the Rolls

I'm kinda stuck in a place right now that is not uncommon among those my age that have had a baby.

I'm having a hard time decided what I want to do. One day I'm telling myself that I'm beautiful even though I'm over weight. I'm telling my self to just embrace my current size and instead of being upset by the clothes in my closet that don't fit, I should just get some that make me comfortable.

The next day I'm telling myself that I should start dieting.

Lasagna one day, salad the next.

I'm being torn at my fat rolls!

Winter is coming which makes me worry that if I start going for evening runs it wont last long due to cold weather. I'd love to get up and take a jog in the morning but Tim leaves for work so early that I can't just leave the house since Ell is still sleeping. I love going to the gym but I'm kinda broke (thumbs down!) and my gym buddies have left town. My sister is going to college in Powell now and my cousin Sam for one, pregnant, and for two lives in Laramie! I'm just at a loss. Elliot screams and screams when I take him to the Rec Center day care and makes it so I'm just worried about him the whole time. And now since my sisters left for college my mom has been running the coffee cabin so she can't keep an eye on him for an hour so I can go to Zumba.

I need help. Someone to go to the gym with, or to watch Ell so I can go to the gym. Someone to motivate without being mean! I need pushed, I need someone to say "Hey Kait, you have a pretty face but your body is going to waste! Time to put down that brownie and pick up an apple, Pal!"

I think I might as Tim if he'll get me another gym membership and perhaps a new pair of shoes...my Nike's are worn out. I'm thinking maybe a pair of those Vibram Five Finger shoes...I think they would do wonders for my bad knees!

So now the question: Is anyone out there willing to be my gym buddy and say "STOP EATING FATTY!" and someone who would be willing to watch my kid for an hour or two? Also, Is there anyone who has some great weight loss tips and or workouts that really work out lol?

HELP THE FATTY FEEL PRETTY AGAIN!!!

The size I'm hoping to get down to again! Size 7 135 lbs.



This is what I DO NOT WANT TO BE ANYMORE!!! Size 13 175 lbs.

Growing Up

So last night I was watching the Emmy's and I decided that there are a few ways you can tell that you're growing up. I'll start with number 1

#1: Your taste in hot men changes from Taylor Lautner (circa 2009) to Mr. Big aka John James Preston

#2: You get curtains for your birthday.

#3: You stop asking for Hastings gift cards and start asking for Home Depot gift cards.

#4: You need two cups of coffee in the morning before you can even think about starting something important.

#5: You don't want energy drinks and granola bars for meals, you want home made potato cheese soup.

#6: You don't watch Sister Sister on Nick, you watch Tia & Tamira on Style.

#7: You stop wanting a bedroom like this: 

 

and start wanting one like this:

#8: You stop drinking vodka because you're bored and just wanna get drunk, and you start drinking a glass of wine with dinner because it tastes good with your pasta.

#9:  You start realizing the real people that matter and make your life a happier place.

#10: You're parents actually know quite a bit!

Professional? Puh-lease!

My rant for the day:

There has been a lot of talk on FB lately  about all of the "so called 'professional' photographers" and I can't help but get a little annoyed with the topic.

Just to set the record straight, I may not have finished my photography schooling, but I have taken college courses on the subject. And in my personal opinion graduating from college with a degree in photography does not make you a "professional." You can't teach talent.

While I too get a little annoyed with 16-18 year olds with a nice camera and a pirated version of photoshop saying they have a photography business. It's not my place to judge. In the end clients can tell the difference between professional and amateur work. And one day these "professional" 16-18 year olds will be super confused by all of the legalities of having an LLC and setting up a tax license and such, but it's not my problem, because at the ripe old age of 22 I have already done these things. And by the way, I believe that those are a few steps you need in order to become a true professional and business owner.

I'm happy to say that with every shoot I learn a little and continue to get better. But I also don't need you catty girls with too many opinions to tell me that I don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you.

Green Eyed Monster

So I'm needing some reassurance that my life is in fact moving forward.

Recently my little sister got engaged and my really good friend found out she is pregnant. No matter how happy I am for both of them, I can't help but be a little jealous. I know that sounds super childish, but I can't help it!

And don't get me wrong, I am really truly happy for both of them!!!!

I want to get married (again lol) SO badly!!! I know that Tim is the one and I know that eventually we'll get there. But for Christ's sake man! This week we've been living together for two years, I think that shows that neither of us are going anywhere lol.

I want another baby SO bad lol. I've always wanted my kids to be close together so that they could play and have the same friends....at this rate Elliot will be 5 by the time he has a sibling!

At one point I had a "Life Plan" (haha like those ever go as planned...) and this is how it went:
After High School go to college, after two years of college graduate. After that get married, start my business, then get pregnant, have 3 babies by the age of 26....

Instead this is how my life went:
Go to college for 1 year, get married, get pregnant, buy house, get divorced, have baby, work as a waitress then office assistant, start my business....

I'm not sure why people even make plans lol. They never, and I repeat, NEVER, go exactly as you want them to.

I know that I have this great guy, this beautiful son, a house that I own, and am a small business owner at the age of 22. But I feel like something is missing. I feel like until Tim and I get married and until we have another baby my family and my life isn't complete. Is that so selfish? I'm not sure why I feel that way, perhaps it's because I was brought up that you get married and then have children, and even though I was once married now I'm not. I feel like a...sinner (LOL I know, but it's the truth).

I kinda feel like I jumped into so many things so fast that now I'm at a stand still. I've always been one to jump into things, I mean seriously. I've had 4 serious relationships in my life and they were all pretty much back to back, this girl doesn't mess around! If I can't see myself marrying a guy I won't waste my time. But there's the point of my concern, two potentials and one ex husband later and here I am. Waiting on a guy that can't seem to put a ring on my finger! Am I a horribly demanding person? My friend Kelci and I call Tim my "Husfriend" cause he's more of a husband than a boyfriend since he lives here and takes care of Elliot and I, lol it's just not legal, YET!

Oh and by the way, my ex got remarried two weeks ago....to a dumb (excuse the language) bitch that hated me and spread rumors about me while we were together. I like to laugh it off but at the same time I can't help but be like: WTF he's married already and I'm not?!?!?! Lol, I'm so dramatic I know.

Well I suppose for now I will be living vicariously through my sis and my Amiga. Hopefully soon it will be my turn.    

And to brighten the mood, here are the cookies I plan on making for my sister's bachelorette party :)

HA HA Stupid Me

For some reason I though this time would be different.

I'm not sure why I keep putting so much faith in people.

It all started in 6th grade, then again in 8th, then 12th, and then freshman year of college, and now.

I don't get it. I don't understand, I probably never will.

Is it me? Is it them? I guess it doesn't matter. It's over now.

Stupid me for trusting you.

Stupid me for thinking it would be different.

Motivational words any one?

Love from Vaaay Kaaayyy

So here's an update from my month long vacation:

Since we left Gillette on July 20th not a whole lot has happened. However I am no longer in my friends wedding, I'm just going to photograph it. While my feelings were a little hurt I look at the positive side that I won't have to worry about fitting into my bridesmaid dress only weeks after binging on my vacation :)

Also, the wedding I came out to Missouri to photograph was postponed so I'm not sure when it's actually going to happen, it sucks a little cause that was practically an entire months worth of income for me. On a good note I do have a photo shoot scheduled for this weekend for Tim's friend Becca's little boy Easton. He's about as cute as they come and he's turning one next month so we're doing some pics!

We've been busy on vacation but not overly busy. When we were in Indiana we went canoeing down the (very shallow) river, we had our family reunion, and we went to a Cincinnati Reds game. My cousin's husband was able to get us a suite which was....sweet lol. The only thing that could have made the game night better is if we had beat the Mets, and honestly, who likes the Mets anyway?

Then since we've been in Missouri we've gone out to the lake, went tubing (which Frankie is going to pay for bruising my leg and giving me mild whiplash!), went to the swimming pool with Tim's sister Tammy, took Tim's 91 year old grandma grocery shopping, drove to Columbia to see Elliot's cousin's new apartment, and have eaten waaaaay too much! Tim's mom is such a good cook I can help but eat way more than I should!



Relaxin' at Frank and Sharon's house



Today Elliot and I are just relaxing at the house, it's nice to just hang out but I get cabin fever. We went outside but it's getting pretty warm and Ells gets heat rash very easily so we came in after only being out maybe 20 minutes.

I'm pretty excited that Tim will be here late Friday night, I've missed him (and his back rubs, I need one after the tubing accident lol). This is going to be Elliot and my first Bevier Homecoming and we're pretty pumped! Carnival and parade and family, fun, and food :)

I'm having a great time but I am missing home. I miss talking to my friend Kelci every morning for coffee and since Falesha had been on vacation before we left we haven't hung out in forever! Elliot misses his little girlfriend Lilly (well at least Falesha and I say he does lol), and I'm missing out on my snuggles from my dog London.

All in all it's been a pretty good trip so far but I'll be happy to be home in two weeks :)

I hope all of you are having a great summer and we'll talk soon!

It's Official!!!

I've lost 10 lbs!!! Happy dance commence!!! That's all for now. Now onto some early morning editing before tiny human wakes up : )

Have a good morning everyone <3

Friendship!!

So today I was thinking and I've decided that there are a ton of different types of friends.

The Friends-On-Facebook friend ~ This is the friend that comments on your posts, likes your pictures, and keeps up with your life via Facebook. This friend is pretty much only good in the virtual sense since they're never around in real life.

The Great-For-Coffee friend ~ This is the friend that is always saying "lets do coffee!" and when you do you spend 2 hours reconnecting and catching up on each others life's. This friend is great when you need some java and adult conversation!

The Flake ~ This is the friend that is always saying "we need to hang out" and then when you invite her somewhere she can NEVER make it. This friend is pretty much good for nothing.

The Lets-Talk-About-Me friend ~ This friend is so conceded that they don't really care about you, they just like to have you to listen to every detail of their life for hours! Not really good for much except if you really want to know how many guys she slept with last week, then she  might be good for something!

The Work-Out friend ~ This friend is always there to go to the gym with you or just go for a long jog. This friend is good for a lot actually. She helps you stay fit, keeps you motivated, and provides you with someone to ease your fear of gym rats, aka nasty men that stare at you while you jog.

The Play-Date friend ~ This friend is great when you want to get the kids interacting and need some adult time. Play-Date friends are even better if they give you quality conversations.

The Dirty friend~ This is the friend that you can talk about all of your "naked time" topics with and she wont judge. She'll give great advice on how to spice it up, how to make it last, and how to keep the spark alive. She's also great to tell your embarrassing naked time stories to and she'll laugh and then tell you that she's sure that's not the worst thing to ever happen during naked time.

The Work friend ~ This is your friend from work, duh! You have a great time working together and maybe even get into a little trouble with her, but when it's time for quittin time it's hard to say if she'll be following you home, if you know what I mean.

The Friend-That-Used-To-Be-Your-Friend-But-Now-Is-More-Of-An-Acquaintance friend ~ This is someone who you used to be really close with, but as time goes on and lives change you grow apart and become more of just acquaintances. You still like to consider her your friend but it's hit and miss when you actually talk or hang out. It's not that you don't like each other anymore, it's just that so much has gone on in your respective lives that it's hard to keep up.

The Nice-To-Your-Face-Then-Talk-Bad-Behind-Your-Back friend ~ This person is exactly what the title says. They aren't really good for anything since every time you hear one more lie they spread about you it just makes you more angry. They may smile and wave when you see them driving, or comment nice things on your facebook, but when you're not looking they're out there saying bad things about you that may or may not be true.

And finally. . . ..

The Real-True friend ~ This is the friend that answers when you call. Laughs at your jokes, makes fun of you when you trip and fall but then help you up, takes you out to lunch cause you're having a bad day, buys you something totally random on your birthday just because she knows you'll like it, listens to your money troubles and doesn't judge, gives advice when you want it and just listens when you need it, dyes your hair cause you're too poor to go have it done, convinces you to try going commando, listens to your secrets and never ever tells them to anyone, encourages you, loves you, tells you you're wrong when you are, and tells you you aren't when you're not, talks about boyfriends, fiancees, husbands or ex's with you, tells you that your ex is a douche even if they never knew him just because she knows that he hurt you, invites you over for breakfast, calls you when her husband is working late just to talk about the funny text she got from him earlier, laughs with you, cries with you, supports you, and most importantly loves you for who you are.

So now is the tough question, what kind of friend are you?

Summer Love

Summer is a time for love. New love, old love....just LOVE!  And I've decided that this summer my love is going to be me! I'm going to LOVE being a better me : )

This morning I  went to Zumba with my lovely friend Falesha. It was so amazing! It was high energy, good music and I'm sure to anyone passing by watching Falesha and I, absolutely hilarious! I've never danced a day in my life. I never even took one dance class. The most dance this girl has done (with the exception of during gymnastics, and lets be honest here, finger flicks and toe kicks isn't really what I call "dancing") is in the shower or with the wii remote in my hand! So regardless of my lack of dance skills I decided to take this class. I loved it! If I can just keep eating right and doing this class I have a feeling that by the end of summer I won't be so nervous to flaunt that ah-maze-ING bikini I bought! Wish me luck and keep following! I'll soon be posting a "pre-Zumba-and-eating-healthier" photo and will be sharing recipes and work out tips that I learn along the way!!

Peace

Oh, and PS I haven't had ice cream in two weeks!!! This coming from a girl that could eat ice cream every day (if it wouldn't make me fat)!!

Teriyaki Chicken!!

So this was supposed to be posted on Thursday night but it didn't happen. So here it is now!

I got this recipe from Kraft Foods dot com and then altered it a little!

What you'll need:

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 cups instant brown rice
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup planters salted peanuts
1/2 cup teriyaki sauce
2 tbl spoons minced garlic
2 tbl spoons oil
1/4 cup peanut butter
1 bag frozen broccoli

All of the ingredients

Slice the chicken into strips

Put chicken, oil, and peanut butter into non stick skillet and cook on medium high heat for 7-9 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through out

When Chicken is cooked add garlic, teriyaki sauce and water.

Bring to a boil

Add remaining ingredients, reduce heat to medium low, and cover. Cook covered for 10-12 minutes. Remove from heat after and let sit covered for 5 minutes.

Uncover and fluff with fork.

Ta-Da! Enjoy!!

I used fresh broccoli because I like it better and because I like it a little crunchy. Make sure you use a skillet that has a lid otherwise you'll have to transfer into a bigger pot with a lid! I hope you'll try it out and I hope it is just as good to you as it was to me!! I also thought it was pretty easy to make : ) If you like you can add sliced carrots and red peppers for extra color and flavor.

Memorial day and such!

So I got to thinking yesterday of something that really bothers me. A bunch of people think that Memorial Day is a 3 day weekend full of BBQs and swimming pools opening. Perhaps the reason I don't feel that way is because my Grandpa is a Vet, or maybe it's because I was once married to a military man. I don't know, but what I do know is that a lot of Americans don't know the true meaning of Memorial Day, and that is SAD to me!

On Monday in Gillette there was a dedication at the Lasting Legacy Park. It was the unveiling of the new plaque honoring the two local men that died this year serving in the military. It was a very emotional gathering if you ask me. My Grandpa did the speaking and introductions and he did a damn good job. I cried when they removed the cover of the plaque but what really made the waterworks come was when the Father of one of the men got up to speak. He didn't say "Poor me, I miss my son." He said when he last talked to his son over in Iraq he said "We're making a difference Dad, I'm making a difference."

It true. I don't care if you agree with the war we're fighting. I don't care if you don't know anyone in the military. And I really don't care if you think we should pull all of the troops out of the Middle East. I don't care because they don't care, they are there to make a difference. You should thank them, thank them for leaving their family and risking their life so that you can sleep peacefully and so that your family can be safe.

I learned that since the American Civil War over 1 Million Americans have died protecting our rights. To put that in some prospective that's over 25 Gillette's. If everyone in 25 towns the size of Gillette just died that's how many military men and women have died for our country.

So think of that next Memorial Day when you're busy grilling up some hot dogs and enjoying your 3 day weekend.

Happy Memorial Day!

It's My Opinion

Just to clear a few things up:

My blog is MY place to write what I feel and what I'm thinking. It's my opinions and if you don't agree with them or if they upset you I have a quick fix:

STOP READING.

If there is a problem with what I've written please feel free to take it up with me, but I'm warning you: don't expect an apology right away. I'm not going to apologise for things that I think. Occasionally I am wrong, and when I am I will admit it and apologise. But when I'm not wrong I'm not going to say sorry for the truth just because you didn't want to hear it.

Oh and one more thing, there are no double meanings to what I'm saying. And I really hate it when people put words in my mouth. If I didn't come out and say "you are a low life b**ch" then that isn't what I said.

People need to grow up and stop thinking that the world revolves around them and they can do no wrong.

I'm going to be Happy, Damn it!

Ugh, so much on my mind I don't even know where to start . . .

It's been a long week, last Tuesday Elliot and I flew out to Missouri. We stayed until Sunday when we headed home. We had gone out for Tim's sister Tammy's wedding. It was my first real wedding with a ceremony and full reception and everything! It was a lot of fun but very stressful!

We came home Sunday (Mother's day) and I was quite disappointed to find out that Tim and Elliot didn't get me even a card. Kinda sucky Mothers Day : ( So I got myself some tulips from Walmart and then cut some out of my garden and added to the vase. They're my favorite so that makes me happy haha.

We've been hanging out at the house mostly since we got home. I've done some cleaning and a bunch of photo editing! I can't wait to put up more photos of this wedding, I LOVE what I've seen so far!

I've been crabby the last two days. It sucks lol. Come to find out I will not be attending the Bridal shower for my cousin because it was planned on my birthday and I already had plans to go to dinner with Tim. I also will not be attending the Bridal Shower for my best friend Leslie (who's wedding I'm IN) because apparently it doesn't matter if all of the bridesmaids are available or not. It was planned on a day that the planner KNEW I was unavailable. I think that's quite rude and childish. Let alone a little weird that the shower is planned 4 months before the wedding. But hey, I'm not the bride so I guess it's whatever.

My feelings are hurt. I feel like no one really cares. Tim told me to suck it up and deal with it and that he's glad he's not a girl because he would never want friends that caused that much drama. Ha, he's crazy if he thinks I enjoy the drama. One of the big reasons I quit working at crApplebees.

2 of the bridesmaids and the bride are still working at the Bee's and I feel like because I don't work there anymore, I don't "count." NEWS FLASH: I'm busy making a better life for me and my son and have "graduated" from Applebees. I know what it's like to work somewhere because it's paying the bills, and don't take this the wrong way because I'm proud of Leslie for doing what she needs to do to provide a good life for Kaursin and pay for her wedding and graduate college. But I feel like screaming "Seriously, life is NOT about freaking Applebees!!! Just because I don't work there anymore does NOT mean that I don't deserve to be included!" And if the other two bridesmaids get mad at me for this I don't really care anymore. I'm  not in this wedding for them, I'm in it for Leslie. I figure she'll tell me where to be and when and that's all that matters.

I'm so sick of childish people. And while I'm at it I might as well let it all out. I'm sick of bitches, I'm sick of liars, I'm sick of people being selfish, I'm sick of not fitting into my clothes, I'm sick of the number on the scale, I'm sick of feeling like no matter what I do it's never enough. I'm just plain sick and tired of it all. Maybe all I needed was to get it off my chest, maybe I need some time alone, maybe I need a stiff drink and a bubble bath. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm done. I'm done with all of the people in my life that make me stress out and worry and feel like crap. I'm done caring about all of the little things. I'm done. I'm going to be a happy, stress  free, caring individual if it kills me damn it!

On a little happier note, I took some pics of my beautiful friend Falesha's newest addition, McKinley. I LOVE them. I'm super pumped to edit the after I finish this wedding!  Oh, and tomorrow (my birthday) I'm going to walk a 5k with Falesha!! It'll be my first and defiantly not my last!

Well for now, Peace Out!

I'm at the starting line for the rest of my life

Well another few weeks have passed and I have yet to write a new entry. SO much has happened that I suppose I should get caught up!

This Friday is my last day at Lawn Pro (thank GOD!) meaning that Saturday will be my first day of Self/UnEmployment! I call it that half way joking and half way too seriously. . .I'm TERRIFIED that I won't be able to book enough shoots to counterbalance having a day job. And don't get me wrong, I've been very thankful to have a job during these troubled economic times, but I feel like Lawn Pro was a dead end for me. No chance of promotion, and the hours were all backwards. Busy in the summer and slow in the winter, just like photography.

I'm very excited that I'm taking the plunge into self employment though.  It means that I will be spending a lot more time with Elliot all summer long! I love that little guy so much and he learns so much every day that I don't want to miss a single thing!

On a good note, over the Easter weekend I managed to book two more weddings! One in June and one in August, so that makes 5 weddings this year! For my first summer as full time photographer I think that's pretty good (at least I hope so)! That also means one more trip to Missouri this summer : ) YAY!

Speaking of Missouri, we leave a week from tomorrow to fly out for Tim's sister's wedding. I'm super excited and just as nervous! I'll be flying alone with an 20 month old, so if anyone has any advice for flying with a toddler it would be greatly appreciated!!!

So, now on to the philosophical part haha:
I feel like my life is about to begin, and it scares the hell out of me! For the first time in my life I'll be working completely on my own, for my self. . .making my own money. I'm so scared that I'm going to fail. This is my dream and I don't want to screw it up! I know I need to change a little to make this work. No more procrastination, no more anti social behavior. I need to be proactive! I need to focus and get my stuff DONE. And most of all, I need help. And I need words of wisdom, advice, and encouragement! So please please please don't let me fail at my dream!

My first wedding!

So it's been a while since I've posted and a lot has happened lately!
I photographed my first honest to goodness wedding on March 31st!
And when we got back from Kansas I photographed my friend's baby belly!
Here's some of what I've been working on!!! I hope you enjoy and I would love feedback!

Week of crazieness!!!

This past week has been pretty crazy! Last Friday I found out that Elliot has RSV (a virus in his lungs) and he had been pretty puny acting. Until the steroids took hold. . .OH. MY. GOSH. If you want to know what it's like to have a toddler on steroids I'll tell you with a little help from photos.

Tasmanian Devil + Twister = Elliot on steroids



So that is that lol. This Friday he started running a fever again which made us think he may have went from RSV to pneumonia. Took him to the doctor yet again and got a Rx for amoxasilin. This kid has been pretty drugged up! I haven't gotten ANY thing done this week due to said sick child.

Friday Tim and I went to the Wine and Microbrew festival at Cam-Plex. Needless to say it was a fun evening. I didn't try any wine or beer but I did try lots of different liquors that I may have to invest in : ) I was smart and took two Tylenol and drank a large glass of water before bed, Tim on the other hand, did not lol.

My Mom and I at the Wine and Beer Festival

Not long after we crawled into bed did Elliot wake up crying. Being sick apparently makes our rules change and make it ok for him to sleep in our bed. Talk about a bed hog! Worst night of sleep EVER.

The next day we didn't really do anything. we all just laid around on the sofa. Until about 3 when  I headed over to my moms to get ready for the Father Daughter ball my dad was taking my sisters and me to.

My dad is probably about the sweetest guy ever. He rented a tux and a limo and pretty much went the whole 9 yards. I was probably the oldest daughter there, but it was a lot of fun! Two late nights in a row make for a sleepy Kait!

Today I've been doing laundry ALL DAY to prepare for packing for our trip to Kansas for my cousins wedding. My mom, my sister Laurin, Elliot, my self, a wedding cake, and all of my photography equipment will be embarking on a 13+ hour road trip tomorrow. Boo : ( This is going to be another loooong week! Wish me luck : )

With A Heavy Heart

I have this aching in my heart. It's been there since Saturday. I don't know how I'm feeling. It's weird. Usually I'm able to say I'm feeling mad, or sad, angry, hurt, happy etc. But today I can't pin point it.

Taylor William Bear committed suicide Saturday. Taylor was related to me.

I'm feeling like a bad person. Taylor was my second cousin and I barely knew him. I'm sad that the way I learned the most about him was after he took his life. I feel like that's not the way it's supposed to work.

I feel bad for not going to more wrestling matches this season since I had two cousin's wrestling. I feel like I don't have the right to be so sad about this, I barely knew my own family.

Mostly I'm sad for his parents. I know Sage and I talked to her not that long ago. I know she loved Taylor as much as a mom can.

I have this aching in my chest, for the family of Taylor. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad he's gone and I'm sad that he was having such a hard time that he thought this was the only way out. But I'm more sad for the people left behind. Being a mom I can't even imagine waking up in the morning and having my baby gone. I can't even being to know what it would feel like to walk in and see that my son didn't think he could bring his problems to me. I can't even try to know what that would be like.

My heart goes out to Sage, as a mother, I'm feeling for her.

If I've learned anything from the past 3 days it's that you never know when someone you love won't be there any longer. I've learned that it's important to tell the people that you care about how you feel, and often!

At this time I would like to take a moment to remember the All-American, 3 time state champion, student body president, happy, loving Taylor Bear. My cousin.

What I'm working on

So last Tuesday I did a shoot for a couple I know of their two little girls. This shoot was so relaxed and fun! I thought I would share a little of what I'm working on! Hope you enjoy : )







"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life." ~ Isadora James



Watch Me Grroooowwww!

Learning to Love

I've really been working on learning to love myself the way I am and how to stop being so hard on myself. So in an effort to do that I've been thinking about all of the odd things that make me ME. I've decided to compile a list of said "odd" facts about myself. So, here it goes!

I brush my teeth with hot water, I think its because you're told that hot water helps kill germs, however it could also be because I brush my teeth with my right hand so I turn the water on with my left, which happens to be hot.

I only like yogurt if it has granola in it.

I HATE jello.

Sometimes I forget to breath, and then when I remember, I feel very dumb! This usually happens when I'm concentrating very hard.

I usually have two forms of footwear a year, my UGGs in the winter and flip flops in the summer. The only exception is my running shoes and occasionally my Coach Tennies.

I absolutely can not stand when people are late.

I'm learning to embrace what God and my Mama gave me. . .my curly hair!

I like the noise it makes when you pull a key out of a lock.

The clock in my truck will be one hour off for six months out of the year because I don't know how to fix it.

I don't actually like the taste of coffee. But I love espresso and mocha's!

I'm having a hard time with my photography. I don't want to become some generic portrait photographer, I want my true artistic ideas to come out!

I'm not exactly sure what my natural hair color is anymore.

It really bothers me when people complain about things but do nothing to change it. Example: when people complain about the government but refuse to vote, or when people don't like their body but still eat crap and don't work out, and especially when people B**ch and moan about Gillette or Wyoming but still live here because it's where jobs are available.

Some day I want to own a yellow lab and name him Duke.

Purple is slowly becoming my new favorite color.

I'm a Lutheran. I believe that God sent Jesus to die on the cross to save me from my sins.

I'm guilty of loving too quickly and falling hard because of it.

I only like mayo and mustard on my ham sandwich.

People that have no respect for the rules of the road really annoy me!

I hate when people think that "delegating" means handing off the crappiest job to someone else.

I don't think that anyone except maybe my mom really read the conditions and terms of use on computer programs.

I CAN'T STAND whistling! Unless possibly it's the guy that drives the gondolas in Venice. They're ok.

I have anxiety issues. If I go to WalMart and there's a ton of people there and it's loud I start to hyperventilate.

Sounds really bother me. If it's too noisy I can't think and I tend to freak out.

That's about it I guess, most of those things people don't really know about me. Some of them you might, but who knows? I'm slowly learning to love myself, love handles and all! I'm on my quest to being who I want to be, but loving who I am.

Baby I'm a Firework!

Yesterday was kind of a tough day for my ego. I don't like to think that I'm full of my self but maybe I am. I've learned a valuable lesson that I was hoping I would never have to learn: When you do services for other people, you are putting yourself and your work out there with the possibility of them not liking it. And as an artist this is a tough lesson to learn. But it also helps you figure out how to deal with the situation.

On a different note: I'm super excited for this weekend!!! I'm going to Billings with Tim to pick up my claw foot bathtub that I found on Craigslist! $125 for an antique tub? I think so! It needs a little restoration, but even with that I got a tub that could easily cost a grand for less than half of that! I'm also pretty excited because I'm going to look for a formal dress to wear to the Dad's and Daughter's Ball that my Dad invited my sisters and I to. I'm excited to have a reason to wear a pretty dress : ) Question of the day: Do formal dresses for adults need to be long?

I'm also very excited that I found out yesterday a person I am very close to is getting married and having a baby! If there are two things on this earth I love, it's weddings and babies! If I could get married like once a month and have like 20 kids (but not have to worry about finances lol) I totally would! Hmm. . .I'm trying to decided if Tim will be ok with renewing our vows every month so that I can have like a million weddings. . .he'll probably say no :( Haha

My sister and I took Elliot to story time at the library today. I loved it. He was tired and not really into it. I think the more we go the more he'll like it though. Hopefully next time he'll get a nap in BEFORE!

My quest for skinniness (is that a word? Oh well, I just made it one!) is going. . .Slow. It's ok though, even though I'm still stuck at 3 lbs I've lost 5 inches total. We'll see how far I am by the end of May when it's time to don a bikini. And hopefully by September 17th (the date of my best friend's wedding that I'm in) I'll look slim and stunning in my bridesmaid dress!

This warm weather is putting me in a very happy and optimistic mood and I LOVE it!

For some reason this song feels like it really pertains to me right now so here are the lyrics:
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Arts and Crafts!

So after my awesome and slightly humbling fall I was laid up for a few days. But it has been almost a week and I hit the gym Monday and tonight. Tonight I did 3.5 miles on the bike and another 1 mile on the treadmill, followed by what my sister refers to as a "victory lap" around the track. Lets just say I over did it! My ankle is quite sore now. Hopefully tomorrow I'll do some swimming as my cardio to keep the weight off my foot.

I haven't written about my photography lately so here is an update!

Green Screen work

I'm going to do my good friend Falesha's maternity photos soon, and I was hoping to find a claw foot tub to use. Fortunately EBay answered my call! I found a claw foot tub for only $75! Unfortunately it's out in Missouri and if I do get it, it won't be here until the end of the month. It also is kinda ugly on the outside and may or may not be missing a foot. . .But hey! Antique claw foot bathtub for $75? I think SO!

I've also been experimenting with my green screen and digital backgrounds. Lets just say it's going ok. I need some work on my studio lighting before I can perfect it, but I do what I can with my limited space and knowledge.

I've also been getting on my crafty side : ) I've been working on Elliot's scrapbook and have successfully finished 17 pages! It's coming together quite nicely and I can't wait to start on his second one that will capture everything after the "infant" stage!

Elliot's Wall Art

Today I made some wall decorations for Elliot's room also. His room is Dr. Seuss themed and seeing how this week we celebrate Dr. Seuss's birthday I thought I would rise to the occasion! For now Ell has Cat In The Hat bed sheets and a Cat In The Hat lamp shade (that sits on a bright red lamp!!), he also has Fox in Socks above his closet pointing to his name (that I made out of sticky vinyl with my cricut!). He has Cat and Sam I Am on the wall. . .but when we moved in his new dresser it covered them up, so I need to take them down and move them! So to add to the theme (I know, it's a little late, he is 18 months old after all lol, but better late than never!) I took 3 5x7 white picture frames and put One Fish Two Fish in them : ) I scanned the book cover into the computer and then with Photoshop made them the way I wanted them! I love how they turned out and can't wait to hang them!



Kaursin



Now, seeing as it is 10:30 and I'm exhausted, I'm going to hit the sack. I have to watch my best friend Les's little boy Kaursin tomorrow and I know that having an 18 month old and a 8 month old is going to require some sleep!

I'm still good ♫

So, as many of you know this has been a tough week for me; both emotionally and physically.



My not so cute boot



Thursday afternoon I had lunch with my mom down town. When we were leaving and walking across the street to my truck I tripped in a pot hole. I had been carrying Elliot in front of me to block him from the blowing snow and didn't see the hole. I went down, and I went down HARD! The worst part was that I dropped Elliot. I had no control. Luckily he only bumped his head (not even hard enough to leave a red spot) and bit his tongue. Me on the other hand didn't make it out so lucky. I twisted my ankle, bruised up my knees, smacked my right wrist, and scratched up my elbows. It was luck however that the diaper bag landed directly under my head (keeping my hair out of the mud, you know, the important stuff lol)!

So there I was, laying in the middle of Gillette Avenue in the mud with my body throbbing and my toddler crying. My mom didn't know what to do first. Thankfully she picked up Elliot first. . .that's what I would have done too lol. A car or two passed the intersection and I was instantly annoyed. Then a very nice lady rushed over and two men stopped in the middle of the road and helped my mom get me off the ground. I plan on writing a letter to the editor of the News Record to thank them for their kindness. So long story short, my right ankle is in a walking boot for now and the rest of my body is bruised and sore. I'm just glad that Elliot and I are both ok, and I'm also happy to know that there are still nice people out there that will stop and help when needed!



My best friend <3



I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately on the friend front. I'm exhausted! Sometimes I think life would be easier without friends. But I know that's not true. I'm just stressed. I can't talk to my BF about it cause she's "stuck in the middle" but no one else knows the situation from both sides. It's just tough to want something so bad but not see it happen right away. I know, patience patience patience. Blech! I hate that I let it get to me so bad, but that's the type of person I am. I'm not trying to hurt any one's feelings, but I hate when apologies aren't good enough. What else am I supposed to do? I'm not the only one in the wrong, am I? I can only say "I'm sorry" so many times. Ugh!

So there it is, my physical and emotional roller coaster for the week.



This is my life, and most the time I wouldn't have it any other way. . .

So I might slip again, let it in now and then, that don't mean anything. . .I'm still good!

Kait's Alphabet

I had a lot of time this weekend to think about the alphabet. The letter "L" in particular. So here it is, the Alphabet of Kait! Enjoy :)

A is for Angry which I have been a lot lately
B is for Bruising which I do easily lately
C is for Cold which I always am
D is for Diet. . .I'm working on this one
E is for Enthusiasm or Energy toward my workout
F is for Food and by food I mean healthier food
G is for Gracious, for all of the wonderful things in my life
H is for Happy, what I'm trying to be more of
I is for Ice Cream, my weakness
J is for Jealousy, something I need less of in my life
K is for Kait! Duh lol
L is for Large, the size of clothing that is ruling my life right now. . .But soon will not be!! So instead I will go with Love, or Life : )
M is for More, a word I need to cut out of my dietary life
N is for NO! A word that I'm learning to use in different ways. No to soda and No to bad moods
O is for Optimistic, something that I need to be about getting on the road to a happier healthier life
P is for Poor, something that I'm wishing I wont be soon
Q is for Quest, what I'm on right now!
R is for Rest, something that I need
S is for Sleepy, yawn!
T is for True, what I am. A true friend, a true Christian, and a true person.
U is for Unbalanced, unbalanced diet, unbalanced workout, just unbalanced
V is for Victory! What I'm hoping to achieve soon on my quest
W is for Work, what I feel like I'm always doing. Work at work, work at home, work everywhere
X is for. . .Who am I joking, everyone knows there's only like 5 words that start with "X" and xerox doesn't pertain to me
Y is for Yummy, the kind of food I like
Z is for Zero, the amount of bad that I have room for in my life.

So there you have it, the Alphabet of Kait! I'll probably post later, but this is what I have for now!

Once again, the "convenient" friend

So I'm writing a quick entry while my baby boy is napping.

Elliot Parker is 18 months old today! I can hardly believe it. A year and a half already! He is such a blessing, a joy, the comic relief, and a handful! We're half way to 3. . . ok, not thinking that one anymore! How about 6 months to 2 . . . ok, nope. How about just amazed at how much he's grown! Yeah, I'll go with that thought : )

So much is on my mind right now, I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll start with the not so happy topic: Losing a friend.
I like to think that I'm a pretty good friend. I remember birthdays, am a good shoulder to cry on, there to celebrate wins and pep talk the loses, a great ear, a clear mind, and a FABULOUS secret keeper. So with all of this being said, I believe I deserve the same in return. Is that so much to ask? How do you decide when to say enough? I don't like being the "convenient" friend. I don't like being treated like I'm stupid, and I especially don't like being lied to. So when someone that I've grown close to starts doing these things, what am I to do? Here's the situation: my friend was behaving badly. She had come upon a sticky situation and began lying about it, sneaking around, being rude etc. So when she asks my advice I give it to her. And I'll admit, even when she didn't ask, I gave her a little. This is what friends are for. I was always taught that friends tell you what you want to hear, best friends tell you what you need to hear. And after she heard what she needed to, she wrote me off. Pretty much stopped being my friend all together. But then in time of need, she wanted me. And I was there, I pushed my hurt feelings aside, and was the best friend I could be. And now that she doesn't need me anymore, I'm nothing to her but an occasional Facebook comment. Perhaps her side of the story is different, but this is all I have to base my conclusion off. And my conclusion is: she no longer needs/wants me in her life. So do I let the "friendship" die on it's own? This may be hard seeing as how my best friend is also her friend. What do I do?

I think the part about this that sucks the most, is that I'm ALWAYS the "convenient" friend. Somehow, I always end up being friends with the people that treat me the worst, when I give them everything I have. I was raised to be a great friend, was no one else? The one exception to this is my best friend, Leslie. She's been there for me just as much as I've been there for her. And even when we don't talk for a few days, we pick up where we left off. I love her, and I believe that God gave me a run of shitty friends so that when Les came along, I could truly appreciate her. I'm also becoming great friends with Elliot's lover, Lilly's mom, Falesha : ) I think we're good for each other! Just what the friendship doctor ordered. I can't wait to see what this friendship turns into!

So for now, I suppose I will be appreciative of the friends I do have. And not worry so much about the ones that I soon wont.

Opinions?