I have this aching in my heart. It's been there since Saturday. I don't know how I'm feeling. It's weird. Usually I'm able to say I'm feeling mad, or sad, angry, hurt, happy etc. But today I can't pin point it.
Taylor William Bear committed suicide Saturday. Taylor was related to me.
I'm feeling like a bad person. Taylor was my second cousin and I barely knew him. I'm sad that the way I learned the most about him was after he took his life. I feel like that's not the way it's supposed to work.
I feel bad for not going to more wrestling matches this season since I had two cousin's wrestling. I feel like I don't have the right to be so sad about this, I barely knew my own family.
Mostly I'm sad for his parents. I know Sage and I talked to her not that long ago. I know she loved Taylor as much as a mom can.
I have this aching in my chest, for the family of Taylor. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad he's gone and I'm sad that he was having such a hard time that he thought this was the only way out. But I'm more sad for the people left behind. Being a mom I can't even imagine waking up in the morning and having my baby gone. I can't even being to know what it would feel like to walk in and see that my son didn't think he could bring his problems to me. I can't even try to know what that would be like.
My heart goes out to Sage, as a mother, I'm feeling for her.
If I've learned anything from the past 3 days it's that you never know when someone you love won't be there any longer. I've learned that it's important to tell the people that you care about how you feel, and often!
At this time I would like to take a moment to remember the All-American, 3 time state champion, student body president, happy, loving Taylor Bear. My cousin.
