Green Eyed Monster

So I'm needing some reassurance that my life is in fact moving forward.

Recently my little sister got engaged and my really good friend found out she is pregnant. No matter how happy I am for both of them, I can't help but be a little jealous. I know that sounds super childish, but I can't help it!

And don't get me wrong, I am really truly happy for both of them!!!!

I want to get married (again lol) SO badly!!! I know that Tim is the one and I know that eventually we'll get there. But for Christ's sake man! This week we've been living together for two years, I think that shows that neither of us are going anywhere lol.

I want another baby SO bad lol. I've always wanted my kids to be close together so that they could play and have the same friends....at this rate Elliot will be 5 by the time he has a sibling!

At one point I had a "Life Plan" (haha like those ever go as planned...) and this is how it went:
After High School go to college, after two years of college graduate. After that get married, start my business, then get pregnant, have 3 babies by the age of 26....

Instead this is how my life went:
Go to college for 1 year, get married, get pregnant, buy house, get divorced, have baby, work as a waitress then office assistant, start my business....

I'm not sure why people even make plans lol. They never, and I repeat, NEVER, go exactly as you want them to.

I know that I have this great guy, this beautiful son, a house that I own, and am a small business owner at the age of 22. But I feel like something is missing. I feel like until Tim and I get married and until we have another baby my family and my life isn't complete. Is that so selfish? I'm not sure why I feel that way, perhaps it's because I was brought up that you get married and then have children, and even though I was once married now I'm not. I feel like a...sinner (LOL I know, but it's the truth).

I kinda feel like I jumped into so many things so fast that now I'm at a stand still. I've always been one to jump into things, I mean seriously. I've had 4 serious relationships in my life and they were all pretty much back to back, this girl doesn't mess around! If I can't see myself marrying a guy I won't waste my time. But there's the point of my concern, two potentials and one ex husband later and here I am. Waiting on a guy that can't seem to put a ring on my finger! Am I a horribly demanding person? My friend Kelci and I call Tim my "Husfriend" cause he's more of a husband than a boyfriend since he lives here and takes care of Elliot and I, lol it's just not legal, YET!

Oh and by the way, my ex got remarried two weeks ago....to a dumb (excuse the language) bitch that hated me and spread rumors about me while we were together. I like to laugh it off but at the same time I can't help but be like: WTF he's married already and I'm not?!?!?! Lol, I'm so dramatic I know.

Well I suppose for now I will be living vicariously through my sis and my Amiga. Hopefully soon it will be my turn.    

And to brighten the mood, here are the cookies I plan on making for my sister's bachelorette party :)

HA HA Stupid Me

For some reason I though this time would be different.

I'm not sure why I keep putting so much faith in people.

It all started in 6th grade, then again in 8th, then 12th, and then freshman year of college, and now.

I don't get it. I don't understand, I probably never will.

Is it me? Is it them? I guess it doesn't matter. It's over now.

Stupid me for trusting you.

Stupid me for thinking it would be different.

Motivational words any one?

Love from Vaaay Kaaayyy

So here's an update from my month long vacation:

Since we left Gillette on July 20th not a whole lot has happened. However I am no longer in my friends wedding, I'm just going to photograph it. While my feelings were a little hurt I look at the positive side that I won't have to worry about fitting into my bridesmaid dress only weeks after binging on my vacation :)

Also, the wedding I came out to Missouri to photograph was postponed so I'm not sure when it's actually going to happen, it sucks a little cause that was practically an entire months worth of income for me. On a good note I do have a photo shoot scheduled for this weekend for Tim's friend Becca's little boy Easton. He's about as cute as they come and he's turning one next month so we're doing some pics!

We've been busy on vacation but not overly busy. When we were in Indiana we went canoeing down the (very shallow) river, we had our family reunion, and we went to a Cincinnati Reds game. My cousin's husband was able to get us a suite which was....sweet lol. The only thing that could have made the game night better is if we had beat the Mets, and honestly, who likes the Mets anyway?

Then since we've been in Missouri we've gone out to the lake, went tubing (which Frankie is going to pay for bruising my leg and giving me mild whiplash!), went to the swimming pool with Tim's sister Tammy, took Tim's 91 year old grandma grocery shopping, drove to Columbia to see Elliot's cousin's new apartment, and have eaten waaaaay too much! Tim's mom is such a good cook I can help but eat way more than I should!



Relaxin' at Frank and Sharon's house



Today Elliot and I are just relaxing at the house, it's nice to just hang out but I get cabin fever. We went outside but it's getting pretty warm and Ells gets heat rash very easily so we came in after only being out maybe 20 minutes.

I'm pretty excited that Tim will be here late Friday night, I've missed him (and his back rubs, I need one after the tubing accident lol). This is going to be Elliot and my first Bevier Homecoming and we're pretty pumped! Carnival and parade and family, fun, and food :)

I'm having a great time but I am missing home. I miss talking to my friend Kelci every morning for coffee and since Falesha had been on vacation before we left we haven't hung out in forever! Elliot misses his little girlfriend Lilly (well at least Falesha and I say he does lol), and I'm missing out on my snuggles from my dog London.

All in all it's been a pretty good trip so far but I'll be happy to be home in two weeks :)

I hope all of you are having a great summer and we'll talk soon!